Thursday, June 23, 2016

Rockford Poetry Slam Team Dealt a Blow With Departure of Outlaw Poet

The Rockford Pages Outsider Poetry Slam team was dealt a blow today when they learned scoring leader Thomas L. Vaultonburg had been traded to the Chemung Shamans. The loss hurts doubly as the Shamans are in first place in the Eastern Division, and the the trade will likely eliminate Rockford from the playoffs. 

Informed of the trade to a division rival, Vaultonburg began dancing and yelling "Woo, woo, woo," like professional wrestler Ric Flair. It's not the first time someone leaving Rockford has done so. Team captain Nelson The Sock Monkey said his roster spot will be replaced with the guy who wears the Rockford Ice Hogs costume at games. 

This is a picture of Outsider poet Thomas L. Vaultonburg looking stupid and confused because he just voted in Rockford. His mother always told him if he didn't quit acting the fool he'd get sent to Chemung, and now he has. 

The Rockford Pages and Chemung Shamans will meet in the final bout of the OPSLA season in August at the Rockford Poetry Depot. 

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